


Compliments to the Chef

by stagecrime



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Bad Jokes, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Innuendo, M/M, Marauders Fest 2020, Matchmaking, Pick-Up Lines, Pre-Relationship, Regulus Black is a Good Sibling, Regulus Black is a Little Shit, Swearing, but they appreciate him really, highkey on brand for me, so more like, uhh, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28742136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stagecrime/pseuds/stagecrime
Summary: Remus makes coffee. Sirius makes bad puns. Regulus matchmakes (or, in Sirius' words, interferes). Tonks is just here to watch the shit go down.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 55
Collections: Marauders Fest 2020





	Compliments to the Chef

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to the amazing @wolfstarforeverandever, @dobbys-simp, @lilylemon12 and @titania-inthesky for the betas <3
> 
> for marauders fest 2020 - anonymous prompt was "AU where the Marauders own and run a restaurant. Sirius takes "compliments to the chef" a little too literally and constantly leaves Remus a blushing mess"
> 
> i twisted it a little, but, well. enjoy :)

“I told you that would happen, Reg, it’s not like Gilderoy’s an idiot. Fucking arse, yes, but not an- ow!” Sirius stopped when Regulus elbowed him. “What the fuck?”

“I did not give you permission to tell me you told me so.”

Sirius scoffed. “I don’t need permission. I’m your older brother.” With that, he elbowed Regulus again and stepped out of his elbow range, into the cafe line.

Lily had been the one who had recommended this coffee shop, Dan’s Coffee, to Sirius when he’d mentioned his old one had shut down due to cut funds. She’d even managed to find a job there, though how she did it Sirius would never know. He’d tried to donate to his old place, but they wouldn’t accept his money and told him, laughing it off, to find somewhere else to buy coffee because no matter how much he donated, it wouldn’t be able to bring Emma’s Coffee back into business. Sirius had tried to protest, but he hated a fight. Plus, he didn’t know how he could pull off being a high schooler and donating thousands of dollars to a coffee shop, of all places. Not that it would go unnoticed by his parents.

Dan’s Coffee seemed to be exactly his kind of place. Small, crowded but not too crowded, what Lily would describe as “quaint,” (to be fair, she had. Multiple times). Smelled of good, strong coffee.

And had the most adorable barista he’d ever had the good fortune to see behind the counter.

“Reg.” Sirius was frozen, the only part of him moving his mouth. “ _ Reg _ .”

Regulus narrowed his eyes, looking at Sirius from the side. “What?”

“You...don’t happen to know that guy, do you?”

“What guy? Sirius, what are you talking about?”

Sirius sighed. “Never mind.”

-

Remus was panicking. Absolutely, completely, out-of-his-mind panicking. He’d been on the job for almost a year, and he’d had to deal with quite a few disasters. There had been Karens, just generally annoying people, and one man who asked for a Trenta.

What the fuck was a Trenta, anyway?

But the worst one yet was a customer who walked into the shop on a Friday, someone who Remus could only describe as  _ hot as hell. _

Putting on a brave face, Remus could only hope that he wouldn’t have to be the one to service this beautiful man.

His wishes were proven to go unnoticed, however, when the other, younger boy who was with the Mystery Hottie, as Remus was now calling him in his head, stepped up to the register, smiling. “Gin and tonic, please.”

“Reg, you’re fourteen.” The Mystery Hottie looked incredulous, and if this ‘Reg’ person really was 14, with good reason. Plus, this was a coffee shop, and they didn’t even sell alcohol, and Remus wasn’t really concentrating on anything but Mystery Hottie’s voice, anyway-

“Did I fucking stutter.”

Mystery Hottie gave Reg a look. “Uh, he’ll have a mocha. Caramel.”

Remus laughed, broken out of his reverie. “Mocha it is. Anything for you, sir?”

“Well, for one, you don’t have to call me  _ sir. _ Unless you really want to, that is. Most guys prefer to take me out on a couple of dates first.”

Remus choked.

“But...black coffee. Strong.”

Remus let out his breath, flush spreading over his face, and nodded. “Name for the order?”

The other boy looked over at Reg, though Remus couldn’t hear what he was saying until he looked back up. “Serious.”

Remus blinked.

Seeing that ‘Serious’ was still smiling up at him, evidently completely, well, serious, Remus nodded and shouted his order to Lily.

-

“Caramel mocha and black coffee for… Serious?” The unfairly cute boy was at the order pick up, holding up their drinks. Sirius smiled and, dragging Regulus along with him, walked over to the counter.

Still smiling, Sirius took his coffee and handed Regulus his  _ mocha, _ glaring slightly. Regulus rolled his eyes but took the cup and immediately drank. Looking at the paper cup, Sirius had an idea - probably an idea that would get him either embarrassed or punched, but he had to risk it.

“Are you coffee? Because you,” - Sirius smirked - “ _ mocha _ me wild.” He winked and swallowed, watching the cute barista. Beside him, Regulus snorted.

The barista’s face was still, then split into a slow grin. “Are you serious?”

Sirius swallowed again, eyes bright. “I’m always Sirius.”

So maybe Mystery Hottie’s name really was Serious. Remus chose not to think about that too hard. “You really couldn’t choose a better line than a  _ coffee pun. _ A terrible coffee pun.”

Relieved, Sirius shook his head, smiling. “Nope. That’s the best one, you know.”

Shaking his head, the barista chuckled. “Well, Sirius, words can’t  _ expresso _ how unacceptable that is.”

Sirius laughed.

-

_ What the fuck, _ Remus thought to himself as he wiped down tables at the end of his shift.  _ What the actual fucking fuck. _ This had been the most confusing shift he’d ever had to go through in the year he’d worked at Dan’s, and it had happened not even an hour in. First this Mystery Hottie guy and his underage drinking friend - friend? Sibling? They looked pretty similar - had walked in and ordered from  _ him _ , and then he turned out to be named Serious - not that Remus hadn’t had his fair share of fake-namers at coffee shops.

And then he’d used a  _ pickup line _ on him. An awful, coffee pun pickup line. Remus didn’t know how to interpret that, though Lily would probably say he was flirting. And if he was, well, Remus had flirted back. With an awful coffee pun of his own. Not entirely in character for him.

And if that wasn’t the worst part, Remus was attracted to this guy. Ridiculously attracted to him. Enough so that he’d been flustered, if subtly, when he’d used the line on him. It wasn’t even a vaguely good line.

_ What the fuck. _

But it didn’t matter, for right now anyway. Remus’ shift would be over in just a few minutes (he’d spent the last hour looking at the clock every five minutes) and then he’d be free - free to do homework, at least.

A pretty ideal Thursday night.

When his shift was finally -  _ finally _ \- over, Remus shouted his goodbyes to Lily, whose shift ended in another hour, and stepped out of the shop into the sunlight. It was really too bright for five p.m., and in October, too. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he walked quickly to the bus stop, headed for the library to hopefully get some homework done. Plus, he tutored middle schoolers sometimes, and he had a session with someone new later today. Remus couldn’t pretend he wasn’t a little nervous.

Hogwarts High School’s library was a huge building, and honestly beautiful with its white pillars and statues of lions to match the school’s. Remus didn’t really understand why a public, American high school was this fancy, or where they got funding, but he couldn’t pretend he didn’t love it.

Two hours and four and a half finished assignments later, Remus packed up his stuff, ready for tutoring.

“It’ll be fine,” Remus muttered to himself as he exited the library. He waved to Ms. Pince, the librarian who was known for being unnecessarily strict but seemed to have taken somewhat of a liking to him (on the days he didn’t bring chocolate or small children, anyway).

The new girl turned out to be someone named Nymphadora (“call me Tonks, really-”) and possibly Remus’ new favorite seventh grader ever. She was probably the one student he’d had that wasn’t painfully shy and/or painfully annoying. That being said, she did seriously need help writing essays.

Two hours later, the session was finally over. “Thank you so much, seriously, Remus-”

Remus waved her off. “It’s nothing. I’ll see you back here next week?”

“Yes! Here’s my number.” Nymphadora -  _ Tonks, _ Remus mentally chided himself - ripped a corner of one of the sheets of paper falling out of her folder off, and scribbled her number down on it, handing it to Remus. “See you!”

-

He was back. Sirius had come to Dan’s Coffee again after school, and the barista -  _ the _ barista - was back. This really wasn’t fair. Maybe Sirius should just find a different coffee shop. Imminent death via gay embarrassment was really not worth a cup of coffee.

Shooting a quick smile at the girls in line in front of him, he turned and quickly walked back out the door to where Regulus sat on the bench, on his phone. “Reg.”

Regulus looked up from his phone after a moment. “You need backup again?”

“What?”

“Sirius. It’s obvious you like that barista dude. Now come on.” And with that, Regulus grabbed Sirius’ elbow and dragged him back into the store, ignoring Sirius’ protests and the strange looks from everyone around them, seeing a middle schooler drag someone a foot taller than him into a coffee shop.

It was crowded inside, more so than when he’d been in line a minute ago. And it was already really warm.

But maybe that was just his face.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” Sirius hissed through his teeth, trying and failing to wrestle his elbow out of Regulus’ grasp.

Regulus shot him a smirk. “Helping your poor gay soul. Thank me later.”

And Sirius could only splutter as Regulus forcibly dragged him back into the line for the barista’s -  _ the  _ barista’s - register.

-

He was back.

_ He  _ was back.

The Mystery Hottie was back, and Remus was about to spontaneously combust behind the register.

Really, it wouldn’t be that bad of a way to go. Fast. Painless, mostly. Right where he spent most of his waking hours, at work. Last view: the finest specimen of man Remus had ever seen.

Sure, his boss wouldn’t be too pleased - they did actually seem to like him, somewhat - but it might be worth it.

But before he could consider that possibility for too long, the other, younger next to him, the one he vaguely recognized - had he been there the first time the Mystery Hottie had come to Dan’s? Oh, yes, Remus remembered now - Reg. Or something. Remus didn’t know. But he looked almost exactly like the Mystery Hottie. Serious.

But right now, Remus had a crisis to deal with. Being, not imploding while trying to take the Mystery Hottie’s order.

He had a feeling that wasn’t going to be easy as it sounded.

“Can I take your order?” Remus’ Customer Persona, as Lily liked to call it, was on. Tight, fixed smile. Eyes focused on the customer’s forehead - polite, but not personal. Fake energy. Resting bitch face off. Clipped tone. Aggressively polite.

Remus almost thought he saw the light in the Mystery Hottie’s eyes go a little less bright.

But he had to be imagining it.

“Um, yeah, black coffee, please? Strong.”

All of a sudden, Remus felt his Customer Persona slip off. Involuntarily, his shoulders relaxed. This felt so...casual.

“Same as last time?” Remus smirked playfully and hummed.

The Mystery Hottie blushed slightly, and it was the most beautiful - and triumphant - thing Remus had ever seen.

“Oh, you remember me, hmm?”

And now Remus was the one who felt himself go red. “Maybe.” He hummed again, looking at the register and putting in the Mystery Hottie’s order instead of looking at him.

“Oh, I’m flattered.” Mystery Hottie’s voice was teasing, yet strangely it didn’t sound sarcastic.

“Nah, I’m kidding. Get the same thing twice, three times, every time. I don’t give a fuck.” There. Crisis averted.

The Mystery Hottie raised an eyebrow (Remus wasn’t blushing again, he  _ wasn’t-)  _ and tilted his head, a hint of a smirk still on his face. “If you say so, love.”

Oh.

_ Oh. _

Well.

Remus felt his throat go tight and fought the blush that was just getting bigger as he tried to think of an adequate response. Besides  _ fuck.  _ The growing smirk on the Mystery Hottie’s face was definitely not helping his blush, either. He knew  _ exactly  _ what he was doing.

As he tried to get his voice back, he saw the Mystery Hottie’s mouth open out of the corner of his eye. “For Serious.”

The same name - if he could call it a name. Remus nodded slightly and mumbled, “Coming right up.  _ Sir,”  _ he added pointedly, steadfastly ignoring the Mystery Hottie’s -  _ Serious’  _ \- shit-eating grin and immediately turning away from the counter as he waited to catch his breath.

And when he left, Remus was almost sorry to see him go.

-

It kept happening. More specifically, Sirius would go somewhere - to school, to the town pool, to the park, anywhere - and he’d see The Barista. Or he’d think he did at first glance, but when he came closer to check, or to talk to him, he’d see that he was mistaken. Just another tall boy around his age in a jumper with curls stuffed into a green beanie. Just another random guy.

Whatever. It was fine. It wasn’t The Barista, and that was okay. It wasn’t like Sirius had actually spoken to him more than twice, anyway, and he didn’t even know his fucking name.

And that could be a problem.

But Sirius had gone to the coffee shop on Monday. He’d gotten his usual order, strong black coffee. He’d even corrected the spelling of his name on his coffee cup. But he still didn’t have The Barista’s name.

Sirius sighed and looked back at the front door of Dan’s from his spot on the bench outside. Through his side view of the glass, the view of the inside of the shop was warped and shiny, but The Barista was still clearly there, taking orders as always.

Gritting his teeth, Sirius stood up to enter the coffee shop. He had just put his hand on the door handle when he saw someone inside. Someone being his little brother, with a purple-haired younger girl he didn’t know.

What the fuck?

-

It had been a week. An entire week since Sirius had come to Dan’s Coffee, and Remus couldn’t help but feel like he was at fault. For what, he didn’t know, but he wanted Sirius there (choosing not to think about the weight of that statement). And Sirius, despite all his hoping, hadn’t showed up in seven very uneventful days.

Or so Remus thought. Because on the seventh Sirius-less day, someone did show up. Not Sirius, unfortunately. But still, someone. Two someones, in fact. Two someones Remus couldn’t imagine seeing together. Tonks (yes, that Tonks) and Sirius’ little brother. Regulus. At the coffee shop. Together.

“Can I help you?” As Tonks and Regulus approached the register, Remus couldn’t help but wonder whether they were on a date. Or something. He was pretty sure they were both in middle school, but, well. Still.

Regulus nodded. “Gin and tonic for me, please.” His smile was small and innocent.

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it and was thankful that Tonks elbowed Regulus so that he didn’t have to. “We’re literal children, Reg,” she said, laughing. At least she already knew he worked here, so awkward questions could be avoided.

“That hasn’t stopped you in the past,” he replied, looking at her, and choked when she jabbed her elbow back into his ribs. “Okay, okay, I’ll shut up!”

Remus watched this whole exchange with a bit of a smirk. “So are you two here as- uh- as a couple?”

Both of them immediately choked, and Remus blushed slightly. “Or, well-“

Regulus recovered first. “I- no- just friends-“

“Lesbian-“

“Aroace-“

“I’m literally twelve-“

“Never have, never will-”

Remus laughed, embarrassed. “Oh, sorry. You looked-“ He broke off and gestured to them. “Thing.”

Regulus snorted. “Thing.”

Remus, nodded, no longer really paying attention.

“Anyway, um, caramel mocha, please?”

“And a unicorn frappuccino for me,” Tonks smiled brightly. “Thanks.”

“Alright, cool.”

“Oh, and throw in a date for my brother as well.”

Both Remus and Sirius choked.

“W-what?” Remus said, feeling his face heat up slightly.

It wasn’t really a question, but Regulus answered anyway. “A date. With you. For Sirius. If you would like, of course.”

Remus immediately turned to Sirius, looking for his reaction. Sirius looked incredulous (Remus couldn’t pretend he didn’t feel his stomach drop) and between sputters, his mouth opened and closed. “I- Reg- what-“

“Hey, I’m just saying. You two’ve been thirsting over each other for weeks, and it was obvious neither of you were actually going to do anything about it. Also, what’s your name?”

Remus’ face was now fully crimson, from what it felt like. “Wha-“

“I did  _ try-“ _

Remus’ brow furrowed of its own accord. “You...tried?”

“All those pickup lines-“

“Pickup lines?”

“Coffee puns? Mocha? You even flirted back?” Sirius almost sounded like he  _ wanted  _ Remus to agree.

“Those were  _ pickup lines?” _

“Well, what else could they be?” Regulus threw his hands up. “Y’all are  _ idiots.” _

“Wow, thanks so much,” Sirius said, looking at Remus. Gauging his reaction?

All of a sudden, Tonks chimed in. “Wait, so basically, you two have been flirting...accidentally? Remus?” Remus could almost hear the  _ That does sound like you  _ she didn’t add. He had almost forgotten she was there.

Remus sighed, resisting the urge to punch someone, or the counter, in the face. He was getting increasingly annoyed at the fact that apparently, everyone except him had known about this “flirting”. But...he wasn’t exactly mad about it. “Look, can we- can we talk about this later? I’m still technically in the middle of my shift.” He gestured behind the group to the growing line of increasingly impatient customers.

Sirius immediately nodded. “Shit, sorry, yeah, I’ll get out of your way now.” He promptly grabbed both Regulus and Tonks by their arms and dragged them to the opposite corner of the coffee shop.

Remus faintly heard Regulus’ voice saying, “Y’all better not just leave later. I’m waiting to make sure you actually talk.”

Sirius elbowed him. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Are you denying anything I’m saying? Or do you object?” When Sirius didn’t answer, Regulus’ smirk only grew. And so did Remus’ blush. “So don’t interfere with my methods.”

“Interfere?  _ You’re  _ the one interfering here, not me. And you’re 14 and never going on a date in your life, should I actually trust your methods?” Sirius’ voice was clipped, but Remus could still hear the underlying smile in it.

“You love me for it. And shut up, I promise I know what I’m doing. You’ll thank me later.”

Sirius’ pained sigh could be heard across the crowded coffee shop.

-

Sirius had been watching Remus - was his name Remus? The girl Regulus was with had called him Remus, and  _ fuck  _ that was a beautiful name - for the entire second half of his shift, and he couldn’t pretend he didn’t secretly appreciate what Regulus was doing for him. For them both, if Sirius could even dare to hope that Remus appreciated this as well.

And he couldn’t pretend he wanted a date, or at least Remus’ number. But he didn’t know if Remus wanted the same things from him.

That being said- there was only one way to find out.

The minute Sirius saw Remus make eye contact (eye contact!!!!!) with him for a moment before stepping back from the counter and walking in front of it, he didn’t even wait for Regulus’ prompting before going up to the counter.

“So…” Sirius started, smirking slightly to ignore the beating of his heart. "Can I buy you a coffee sometime?"

And Remus' answering smile was soft. Like he'd anticipated this, almost. "Okay."

Sirius smiled and put his hand on the counter, looking at Remus. And Remus, still blushing, put his hand on Sirius’.

Sirius smiled and let out a breath. Relieved. Excited. Happy.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr [@stagecrime](https://stagecrime.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
